Friday, December 18, 2009

The Joy of the Dentists Chair

The searing, whining mosquito-like noise is deafening, followed by a suctioning and scrape akin to chalk screaming on a chalk board.

At the dentist, there are no auspicious welcomes; the chair sits invitingly, but any joyous thoughts of the day ahead are quickly removed.

For the first time in my life, I sat in the chair, voluntarily.

This is the second time I have ever been to the dentist; the first 15 years ago, which ended with a bit of scraping here and there.

Last week I figured it was time to check out my gnashers again.

And now, now, I know the trepidation. Fortunately, no fillings required, no loss of enamel, but some calculus in the gums.

Dentist and Diet
Big sigh! I don't eat sweets; can' eat chocolate (makes me sick) and am allergic to coffee, which is why the poor woman seated in front of me in a train, had to move.

For five whole minutes I convulsed into a coughing fit from the whiff of her brew. Er Sorry!

In South Africa, my diet became a ribbing issue: Gosh I'm one of the walking pharmaceutical police.

What does this E number mean? And why has this got Sorbitol? Believe me, if you've spent any time in Applied Chemistry taking modules in food science, you might have reason to be sceptical.

By the way if you're buying baked beans, buy the smaller tins, the beans inside are much tastier - something to do with the amount of heat and calorific value.

Back to the Dentist Chair
What does calculus mean, I enquired.

Apparently, some deposits which required cleaning otherwise overtime, it eats away at the bone tissue.

Therein followed that noise many are familiar with and a lot of toe curling. Thank goodness for the space in my mountain boots - yep it's been snowing here too.

A couple of times I had to raise my hand for the dentist and assistant to stop ; the pain, momentarily deep and excruciating.

"I'll probably book you in for another appointment under localised anaesthetic. Ah more joy to follow, including current payment for my consultation and cleaning - 160 UKP.

Wow, we are in the wrong profession.

The ridge of my teeth feel strangely sharper. Oh how I might now wrestle a wild boar, deflesh it and rip into it over a charcoaled fire. Yum!

Except that I'm hardly a meat eater, so instead I'll run my tongue, my new game, over the ridge of my strangely newly minted teeth, and write this blog, before sitting down to work.

Mmm now my mouth feels numb......