Saturday, May 24, 2008

Euro-song contest vs American Idol

While the US gets fixated on American idol - serious stuff with pots of money now in line for the victor - here in Europe ( we are in Europe) we get this thing called
The Euro song Contest.

It is the equivalent of a lobotomy on a weekend, whilst your head's being dragged through cow pat.

OK there are some meaningful tunes being hammered out, but this, the whole affair, the Marx brothers would have given their souls to produce.

Funny, Noooo. bl***y hilarious, that is also if you count the subversive Sotto voce of one of our national radio heroes, Terry Wogan.

Terry Wogan is the Casey Kasem of BBC Radio 2, who's contribution on the night oscillated between piss-taking and dry humour.

OMG at the time of writing, the United Kingdom with 14 points is at the bottom of the 25 list pile. Oh no they've come last.

Singing and politics

You see this is a political contest which includes a bit of singing.

Er that's right, nations pay suffrage to each other, trade points for favours, perhaps in lieu of the following year's passport controls, or pending trade deficit.

Russia incidently came first. Hey it was a great song, but btw where is the contest being held next year?


Oh no they're now giving the acceptance speech. Shouldn't be so cynical, but the point where the countries were given their votes a slew of beautiful men and woman bordering on mannequins had me reaching for a bottle of salt tablets.

"Hello Euro song contest. You guys were great, you gave us a good show and we love you, we love you. We want to have babies for all of you. In fact look I can sing. I'm going to sing again. ooowwwww woooooo eeehhhaahhh"

"This must be the voting of guess-workers" muttered Terry Wogan followed by an endless stream of biting one liners.

Can television be any more painful?

I did, I did pull up the chair and hide behind it.


There was a time when the UK used to walk this, but that was before Europe had more than, er three members and it was still seen as relevant.

Those were Thatcher's days. But alas those halcyon days of a deferential Europe to the UK are far behind us.

Terry Wogan concluded on air that Western Europeans throw in the towel, pull out of the competition as they don't have a hope in hell of ever winning.

This year's national hopes were carried by ex dustbin man, that's waste collector Andy er, something.

Andy, actually was the runner-up in the UK's version of American Idol and he can hold a tune.

But this Euro contest is about the club, about a type of music which might baffle contemporary artists in the UK and perhaps the US.

That doesn't make the UK any more special.

But why oh why each year artists clamour to represent the land of hope and glory is anyone's guess, particularly when in all likelihood they're going to com last.

Couple of years ago, one act (where are they now) sang completely out of tune.

Anyway the contest is now over and more, far more, important news beckons.

Top story?
The top story

Britain's Prime minister Gordon Brown is in a tight spot, losing popularity amongst voters like er, Andy at the Euro song contest.

There are, it appears, mounting pressure for him to change his ways.

I wonder if he can sing?

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